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Articles
By Reva Nelson
Why can’t things just be a little easier, especially for those people we hold near and dear, including ourselves?
It’s been a tough month—too many deaths for no reason, and it’s not just in the States, it’s right here in our beautiful Canada country, people going off the deep end for little apparent cause. Teenagers killing a friend, a robbery gone bad, a husband killing a wife. Not much reason, not much provocation. Other losses this month, two deaths of beautiful wives of friends, one leaving no children, the other leaving four little ones, and my male friends must now cope and rebuild. So there are times when life doesn’t make sense, when meaning seems fleeting if at all, and when joy is a concept in someone else’s heart, in some other land.
It has its affect on us all. We try to tune out, but we still hear, as we should. We may not watch the news often, but there it is. We try to move on, but our thoughts return to our friends losses and memories of laughing times together. We try to have less feeling, and yet what we really need is to feel more, especially in the workplace, in the land of impersonality and professionalism.
These are your people coming to work each day, surviving personal losses of friends, parents, spouses and children. They are wondering, as people always have, what’s it all about? Why bother? They are fearing for themselves, they think their job may be all there is to hang on to, and it isn’t hang-on-to-able any more. I believe, as leaders of our companies, or of our teams, or of any section, we need to find the meaning for ourselves first. Each day we need to redefine who we are and why we are, because no one will do it for us. If we can’t find meaning, we can’t lead effectively, we can’t inspire, we can’t get the results we need. So call it top down heart, or bottom up practicality, if we can’t answer the why question for ourselves, we can’t be of much use to others. If we can’t rebound we may be in danger of bringing others down with us. If we are the leaders in our organizations, the meeting planners and the conference organizers, we have to be resilient ourselves and bring hope to those we have influence with.
If there’s a deeper meaning, a sense of the world as a teaching place, then on some level we know we get stronger. We know that that which does not break us makes us stronger. And as Cicero said, "there is no sorrow which time does not heal."
So how do we rebound ourselves, and help others do it too? Where do we begin to look for meaning and how do we cope with the overwhelming day to day?
Some suggestions:
THE CENTRE: WORK, HOME AND SELF
Is there a space at work where people can meet informally to share information and ideas? Sort of a living room, somewhere to "hang out" and let your hair down (what hair is left!). Creativity needs space, connection needs a location. There should be a space at work where there are a few easy chairs and a coffee table and some interesting magazines and books. A place to gather your thoughts and take a few moments for yourself. The best companies, the ones working for your people working for your company have provided such a corner or hub. At home, can you say, "I need to take fifteen minutes to be alone right now?" and then DO IT? Even little children can give a five minute time out to a parent, playing with blocks or crayons quietly for just a few moments. A time out can go a very long way. Machines need down time, why wouldn’t people? Even if you live alone, create a "corner" that’s yours, put on some nice music and be still. If you know how to meditate, even better. Centre yourself with some slow, deep breathing. Let a big sigh out. We need to learn how to get calm in order to get more effective.
THE BELLY: WORK, HOME AND SELF
Yes, you did read correctly. What does this mean? Until we can accept ourselves, our faults, our extra weight, hair loss, skinny legs, jiggly bellies, too-small-eyes, whatever, we can’t truly accept others either. Being overly critical of ourselves means we are overly critical of others. Learn to like yourself, as you are. And slowly work at getting healthier, not necessarily skinnier. Accept yourself, as you are. It’s great to be fit and healthy, to eat well and care for ourselves. Workplaces that pay attention to wellness have a more productive workforce—not maybe they do, they do. Happy employees mean happy customers. We KNOW this. What programs are in place in your organization?
THE SPIRIT: WORK, HOME AND SELF
Now we are hearing much more about faith and spirit at work. It’s a novel approach for many, and something that’s always been there for others. A loss of faith leads to depression, a sense of meaninglessness and in the extreme, suicide. How many "dead- since-five-years-ago-but-still-at-work" employees do you know? Is it that way for yourself? We must find meaning in the work we do, beyond the pay cheque. It’s time to take a few risks, propose a new project for yourself to work on, get re-excited about an aspect of your job. Your faith could be religion or in some raison d’etre, but it’s important to discover something that gets you excited about trying to make a difference. If you truly can’t find it at work, find it at home and/or in yourself. Join an environmental group, volunteer at a hospital, go to your child, or grandchild’s field trip, give in some way. Giving helps others, but it truly does help the giver the most. You feel good when you contribute in some way.
Resilience is about finding meaning, giving, getting involved and keeping up the hope that things will improve. We have to do it for ourselves and then we can do it for others too. If you are in any position of leadership, in tough times, people are looking to you to be an example of hope.